OMG ... I'm Pregnant

Note: This and the following posts about my pregnancy are very personal. I am willing to share our wild ride throughout this journey, but I ask that you be kind. Be kind in relation to our story, the pictures I share, and the details I reveal. I will talk to you about anything in these posts if you want to know more. I want to share this information too, because I think most women don't share their story. But I have found a lot of comfort in speaking with others, and want to pass it on. If more women shared their story, there would be less women always wondering, feeling alone, and afraid to share theirs. 


It was September 10th, 2013 when I told my husband that I hadn't had any pre-menstrual symptoms like I normally do. He asked what that meant, so I tried to tell him ... as man-friendly as possible. He asked if I was pregnant; I smiled and said I didn't know. I took a pregnancy test that morning and it was negative. Bummer. But, I wasn't surprised; we have been trying to have a baby since February of 2012. It has been a long, stressful, not-so-fun journey.

Anyway, that Friday (September 13th), I took another pregnancy test. IT. WAS. POSITIVE. My hands shook, I thought my knees were going to buckle and I could barely talk with my watery eyes. I walked to my husband, who was in the closet picking out his clothes for the day. I stood behind him, and put the pregnancy test into his view. He just stared at it, grabbed my arms, squeezed and said, "Cool!" (Seriously, THAT'S what you say?!) We hugged, kissed, and then he reminded me that we were already running late to work. Work? WORK? Why would I want to go to work, I'm FINALLY PREGNANT! He didn't seem to care, as the only thing that is on his mind is money and finances. :)



I called my doctor later that day at school and she said that I was 3 weeks and 6 days pregnant. She seemed surprised that it showed up positive so early. Because I sensed her skepticism, I took another test the following Tuesday and it was still positive. Thank you, God!

Over the last ten days, hubby and I have had lots of fun conversations about our future. Like: which room will be the nursery, what colors we'd paint it, how and when to tell family and friends, concerns about baby's health and survival in utero. We haven't dwelled on possible negatives, rather focused on how our lives are changing every day!

Here is a little background on our little story. When I was 17, my first gynecologist diagnosed me with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I was told that I would probably never get to have children. Oh my gosh! I was seventeen! In her office, I bawled my eyes out, slumped into my chair, and thought, "Who in their right mind would ever marry me, knowing I could never have his child." It was awful. I knew I wasn't going to have a child in my teens, and not until I was married ... if I could help it. So, I went about my life as if I was "normal." I did tell a serious boyfriend that I may not get to have kids and his response was, "Whatever." (He wasn't angry, but just acknowledging it, like it didn't matter to him either way.) He and I didn't work out. Otherwise, I would have never met my wonderful husband!

When Tyler and I started seeing each other in 2007 (I was 19), I knew he was THE ONE. (Ladies, you know that feeling!) Once he decided that we should be in a relationship, I had to tell him. We talked and talked about all of the fertility options available and what adoption options were like. He didn't miss a beat. He said he wasn't worried about it, and we would have children one way or another. (Swoon! I. Was. In. Love.)

After we got married, we decided that we would no longer take precautions, to prevent pregnancy. When we decided that we would actually "try," it was February of 2012. For 19 months, we tried as often as we could. I was re-diagnosed with PCOS in May of 2012 and put on a higher dose of my thyroid medication, and added another called Metformin. I wasn't convinced this would help at all, but was willing to give it a shot. (Considering I've taken medications my entire life, I wasn't afraid of trying to remember to take more.)

Through our 19 months, I had various prescriptions change in order to "increase our chances." I even took a mediation called Prometrium, which forces your body to ... have a cycle. On top of that, I took an ovulation test EVERY DAY. So, my monthly routine looked like this:
- Take Prometrium until cycle begins
- Day 1-9 Take Clomid
- Day 10-(until I got period): Do Ovulation test
- If period came, deal with it and try again. If it didn't, wait, and take a pregnancy test. Oh, there it is ... try again. (Keep in mind, this was just for a month ... we tried for a year and a half! You get tired of peeing on sticks everyday and not ovulating, or not being pregnant.)

During all of this, multiple friends told me they were pregnant, or posted on Facebook. Each time, I got a little more angry. I was truly happy for them, don't get me wrong, but why did it only take them only 3 or 6 months, when I've been trying for 19?! Why were they able to get pregnant without so many ovulation kits, prescription medications, and scheduled baby-making. To say I cried myself to sleep some nights might be an understatement. It was rough. It tried our relationship. I felt unworthy to have such a dedicated husband. It was my fault after all; as far as we knew, he didn't have any issues with his parts. Between the stress, anxiety, and trial and error it was not fun anymore. 

It was exhausting. Near the end, I was ready to throw my hands in the air and demand IVF! The hubs said we couldn't afford it; thus, we trudged on (until September that is). :)