First Trimester (second half)

Note: This post is very revealing. Please read it in its entirety before commenting. 

7 Weeks:

This week has been weird. I was absolutely miserable on Monday and even stayed home from class (in Lincoln). I slept a lot and felt much better on Tuesday. Probably the best day since the beginning of the school year. I realized Tuesday that my lunch is making me feel like crap. I eat a cup of peaches, applesauce (somedays), yogurt, and a Healthy Choice Steamer. I think I was just eating too much. On Wednesday I opted to not eat my steamer and never felt sick. I was hungry more, but never ill. So, I think a small lunch is in store for me now. 


My meal plan is: 
6:45-7:00 drink a Carnation Instant Breakfast shake with Skim Milk
9:20 I'm hungry. Usually I have some sort of starch. Veggie straws, baked lays, etc.
12:00 is our designated lunch time and I'm generally hungry then, but not starving. Then I have my fruit and yogurt. 
2:00 is the next hunger strike; I try to eat an apple or fruit snack.
5:30-6:00 is dinner time. Only pan pizza sounds good. If anything at all. 

I am hoping that this food finicky stuff is over soon. I used to be picky, but not THIS picky. It's rather frustrating. Other than this, I've just been tired. Which I can live with. I just wish I had a little more energy to get more done (at home and at school). 

8 Weeks: 

Well, this week was our first ultrasound. We had to tell one of our secretaries, (which kind of seemed silly because we told her before our families, but whatever). I'm so glad Tyler came with me to the appointment! Having this type of ultrasound was nothing new to me. Having PCOS, I've had numerous ultrasounds already. This was the first time however, there was a little something in my uterus. :) As Tyler and I were grinning, awe-struck, fools, our sonogram nurse said, "Well, it's your lucky day. Two for the price of one (kind of)!" We are having TWINS! Oh. My. Gosh! Tyler starts laughing, my pulse started racing, it was AMAZING! Our nurse was so excited for us, and went "fishing" to make sure she "didn't miss any." Thankfully, there are only two in there. :) Both looked healthy and right at 8 weeks. They each have their own amniotic sac and placenta, but we don't know for sure if they are fraternal or identical. Most likely they'll be fraternal based on their individual placenta and sac. I don't care either way, I just am so ecstatic! Twins don't necessarily run in the family. My fraternal grandmother is a twin, but there haven't been any since. I'm pretty confident that ours are from the medications I took to become pregnant. 

The morning sickness has gotten a little worse. I threw up for the first time this week. It was awful. Remember a previous post and how I said I never, ever throw up. Yeah, this was awful. Tyler even came running upstairs to my aid. <3 He is the best. Needless to say, I've been going through saltine crackers and Gatorade/Powerade like they're going out of style. My doctor said it is okay to not eat much, as babies (yes, plural .. crazy!), will get enough nutrients from my body, but they need plenty of fluids. Which also means I pee all the time already. :) 

The hubs and I have been talking about if we'd prefer two boys, two girls, or one of each. When it boils down to it, we just want two healthy babies (both physically and mentally) and to carry them full-term, or as close as possible. My due date is May 24th, so there is plenty of time. 

9 Weeks: 

We wanted to tell our families at Thanksgiving, when I'll be a little over three months along. But, we just won't be able to get our families together. So, we decided to tell them this weekend. We copied the ultrasound picture that included both babies and gave it (first) to my parents in an envelope. We said we had something for them. :) They knew what the picture was, but didn't see that there were two. My mom instantly started crying and couldn't believe after everything her and I talked about just the night before and how we were trying, to already be pregnant. hehe. When Dad hugged me, he got choked up too. Once they left, we went to Tyler's mom's house and presented her with an envelope too. She didn't cry, but said, "No. Oh, no!" I don't think she knew how to respond. :) She said she was excited for us, but wasn't going to be too excited until she knew they were both going to be okay. Which, will probably be around 20 weeks - January sometime. 

Tyler and I are looking forward to January, as week 20 is a big week for the babies. Their sex should be evident, they will be at a lower risk, etc. So, until then, we will continue our prayers and continue to give thanks. 

10 Weeks:

Sorry, no picture this week. I keep forgetting EVERYTHING. :(

Thank goodness the morning sickness has pretty much subsided. It was rather grueling there for awhile. This week I am still below my pre-pregnancy weight by 0.6 pounds. I'm glad I haven't lost any more, and I'm sure I will gain plenty as the later months roll on. :) I don't feel as bloated as I did a few weeks ago, but I know the little stomach I've gained is mostly bloat - retaining water, more blood is being created, space is being made, etc. I'm sure I would have a cuter little belly if I wasn't already a big gal, but that's okay with me. I don't really care how I look, I just want safe, healthy, full-term, babies.:)

I still find that I am not hungry or interested in eating breakfast. BUT, I do snack throughout most of the day, and have a big dinner. I've found that a big dinner will allow me to not wake up in the middle of the night or wake up sick. Thankfully, I have an appetite again. I crave foods, but not too many. Like pizza - I could eat carry-out pizza everyday, but I think I'm over our typical go-to frozen pizza. I'm also all about fries! Tyler bought 12 bags of Ore Ida potatoes for us and they are oh, so delicious. I am trying to not eat only carbs, or too many; but it's hard to say no when something finally sounds, and tastes good!

Dreams ... Lordy. I've been having lots of strange dreams lately. Well, they're not too strange, like they could actually happen, but they are just strange given where I am in life currently. :) 

It is so unbelievably tempting to purchase baby items! One, they are so stinkin' cute already, and to know that I GET to purchase them later, makes the suspense unbearable! We've already talked about what items we want new for sure, and things we are okay getting handed down, or gently used. I think we're on the same page. 

Oh! It has been so much fun playing around with names! I know it's super early, but rather than coming up with a name for either gender, we have to come up with two - four names! We have four (finally!) that we both like. But it wasn't easy! We definitely like more boy names than girls, and have mostly settled on two boy names and two girl names, just in case. I think we're going to have a boy and a girl, and statistically, that is more likely. :) So we have names ready for that option as well. hehe This is fun! 

11 Weeks: 

Sorry, no picture again. :(

Still, the exhaustion is kicking my butt. I know it's only going to get worse, but that doesn't really help me now. Maybe I'm tired because of my job - it's quite a doozy this year. I feel like I generally sleep well during the night, I'm just lacking energy.

Dear Husband and I have been pretty eager for this week to be over - as our next ultrasound is next week! :) Can't wait to see the babies again! 

I'm still doing my best to "follow the rules" that my OB gave me. (I've always been a rule follower though. :) Tyler has been really good about carrying everything that is heavy for me. Cases of water, overflowing laundry hamper, my school backpack, etc. I'm so glad he is here to help me out. 

Cravings! I walked into our school's front office one morning, around 8:45, and swore I smelled pizza. ... it took everything in me to not order pizza for lunch that day! 

I told Tyler that if we were going to cloth diaper, and save money that way, that I wanted to make my own laundry detergent for the babies too. He called me a hippie. I smiled. I already use laundry detergent that I made. I like it. It's easy, cheap, I know what's in it, etc. (Shout out to Facebook and Pinterest friends for ideas and recipes!) I have found a few recipes that are ideal for cloth diapers, that also remove any film that may develop on them ... can't wait to make it! (I'll be a hippie that doesn't do drugs, sleep around, drive a weird van, wear funny clothes, etc. I'll be a modern-day hippie ... I'll be "green." :)

Week 12: 

First day of the week, my dear husband went to make us hash browns and eggs for breakfast. He asked me if potatoes could go bad - I said, maybe? He said, "Maybe my sniffer is off, will you smell them?" (Expiration was 11/8 - just one day earlier.) I smelled it and almost lost it! He just laughed and sprayed me with Febreze. So sweet. He went downstairs to see if there was another bag in the freezer - nope. Came back up and said, "Whew! It does stink up here!" (No kidding!) ... talk about heightened senses and an annoying dry heaving episode. Yikes. 

Wednesday of this week we went in for our 12 week ultrasound to check up on the babies. The first baby the doctor found on the monitor was super active! Jumping up and down, flipping around ... it was AMAZING! She couldn't even get a heart rate because baby wouldn't sit still! We later did get a read and it was 160 bpm. :) I knew the moment the doctor moved the little wand from the first baby to the second that something was wrong. The second baby didn't look any different than it did four weeks ago. I knew we had lost it. We went to the ultrasound-tech on the "better" machine and she confirmed that baby only measured at 8 weeks. Which meant we probably lost him/her around week 10. 

To say that I was angry and sad would be a complete understatement. I was pretty pissed at God that evening. Even the next day at school I was angry. How could He do this to us? What had we done to deserve that? After everything we've been through trying to conceive, He allowed us to, and then took a baby away!? I cried. A lot. 

After my husband and I had some time to grieve, we were able to talk about why it might have happened. There could have been a chromosome issue that would have caused life-changing problems. The baby might have missed an appendage. There would be no way for us to ever know ... 

Thankfully, each baby was in their own sac and had their own placenta. The healthy baby would not be affected by the one that didn't make it. I was concerned that I would have to deliver the one that was miscarried (it is classified as a miscarriage), but because it was so early, my body -and the healthy baby, will just "absorb" it. Troublesome, and yet relieving. 

Luckily, we decided to stay quiet until I was three months along ... it was hard enough going back and telling our parents, and two aunts that we lost one. Thankfully, Tyler was willing to talk to them for us. <3

This was not a good week.

13 Weeks: 

This week was better. Thank you, God. We went to church with my parents. I tried not to cry ... but some messages and songs just speak to you ... and make you bawl. I didn't really care though. God knows everything anyway, I'm not afraid to cry in His house. That's probably the best place to break down, come to think of it. After church that day, I haven't felt anger about losing a baby anymore. I'm still sad, and disappointed, but I've come to a better place of understanding that this was meant to be. It's possible that we wouldn't have been able to handle two newborns at once, physically, emotionally, or monetarily. I trust God made the choice He made for a reason. Again, just sad, not angry. I know everyone has their own opinions on when an embryo or fetus is a living thing, but as soon as I saw those two heartbeats, I had two babies. Now that there is only one heartbeat, I've lost one. That's never going to be easy, for anyone, ever. 

On Tuesday, I went in to the doctor's to listen to the heartbeat. I was nervous. I knew the doctor said baby was fine, but I needed to be reassured. And boy, was I! Baby's heartbeat was 162 bpm and it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G to hear the 'woosh' 'woosh' 'woosh' of the heartbeat. <3 


We told my siblings we were pregnant over the weekend. :) I was just going to show them the sonogram, but Tyler wanted to do something fun. So, my mom and I ran to Walmart and bought a 3-pack of onesies. I wrote a little note on each of them. "I <3 my Aunt J----." "I <3 my Aunt R------." "I <3 my Uncle M----." My sisters figured it out right away. My brother, not so much. The girls didn't even have to see the entire onesie to know what it was about. They ran over to hug me, already crying. While we were hugging, M---- was holding the onesie with both hands reading it, looking at us, trying to understand what was going on. :) He did figure it out and it was great! R------ is now in charge of ALL of J----'s wedding stuff, while I get to do baby stuff. Just kidding! I'm still going to do things with R------. :) 

This was how we showed my Grandma Boyd. :)

Fun food facts: I could eat Chili Cheese Fritos all day. Every day. Pizza always sounds good - but not frozen pizza (Pizza Hut, Papa Murphy's, or Valentino's are all okay). Dill pickle chips, frozen El Monterey burritos, orange juice, rice/pasta/CARBS!, and meatballs almost always sound good. Not together of course; gross. :)

Tessa has been super loving toward me. She lets me hold her like a baby, she crawls up and sits with me whenever I'm in my chair, and sometimes snubs Tyler when she's with me. hehe. Silly puppy. She will sure be jealous in a few months!

I've been having a few pains in my abdomen this week. When I asked my doctor about it, she said that unless it felt like a PMS cramp, then it was okay. I could also look out for ... sightings in the restroom, and that would also be a concern. So, in the meantime, I'll assume the pains I feel are my uterus expanding and a healthy baby growing. :) Baby is the size of a lemon this week - crazy! 

At the end of the week we told our fellow colleagues at Ralston Middle School. We had our annual staff Thanksgiving dinner. Tyler wanted to announce it in a fun way again ... are you seeing a theme with this pregnancy yet? :) So, we made cupcakes with light pink and light blue frosting. Below the cupcakes in the pan, was a note that said, "Announcing Baby Barna. Expected 5/24/2014." 

This was a rather eventful week. :) 

First Trimester (first half)

4 Weeks:

Well, actually it was 3 weeks, 6 days, when I found out I was pregnant. It was amazing! I couldn't figure out why I was so darn tired all of the time. But, my little poppyseed was to blame. :)

Most of this week was spent convincing one another that we were going to be parents. We were still completely surprised that our 'hard work' had finally paid off! 




5 Weeks: Tyler brought me flowers to, 'Thank me for being pregnant with his baby.' :)

Holy cow. Talk about bloat. I felt pregnant this week. I knew it wasn't baby, he/she is only the size of an apple seed. I did a little reading on thebump.com and found that it is totally normal to feel super bloated early on. Yay! Oh, and the boobs! No one warns you about the pain, ah! Heavy and sore, 24/7. No wonder my back hurt. 

I feel a little lucky that I've never had actual cramps during my cycles, my knees and low back just kill. So, naturally, I didn't really feel many/any cramps this week, just terrible knee pain and low back pain. 

Monday night I had class and didn't get home until 10pm. Tuesday and Thursday were Parent-Teacher Conferences, and we didn't get home until 9pm. Talk about a tired and grumpy lady!

6 Weeks:

The hubs and I decided to tell one of our building secretaries (the one in charge of substitutes) that we will have to both be one one afternoon in two weeks. (FOR OUR FIRST ULTRASOUND!) :D She was so excited for us! We haven't told anyone else but her and our doctors. We trust her to not say anything until we're ready.

Hubby and I have tossed around some ideas about when we want to tell family and friends, and I think we've settled on Thanksgiving. By then, I will be almost 18 weeks along and probably visibly pregnant. Plus, that will help with Christmas shopping ... baby stuff! 

We haven't yet decided if we want to know the gender of the baby. I think we kind of surmised that we would keep the nursery neutral regardless; we like a frog theme. Finally, he is coming around to the idea of being a dad. :) 

Okay, funny side story. Monday was our last day with Payflex money for the year. He had around $300 on his card to spend. I sent him out to spend at least $100 of it, while I was in class. I received a text from him, (at class) that said, "Breast pumps are covered. $200+. Thoughts?" Yeah, my thought was ... WHAT?! You wouldn't believe I was pregnant two weeks ago, and this week you are buying me a breast pump?! I couldn't help but laugh out loud in class. Oops! Sure enough, when I got home, he had a brand-new-state-of-the-art breast pump in a backpack. It is even a double-pumper! (Who knew they made such a thing.) Medela is the brand. 

I also bought myself some belly bands, or tummy tubes, or whatever you want to call them. They were ~$5, plus shipping. I paid around $30 for five of them! (pink, black, white, nude, and brown.) I wore one to school this week, and man, it sure made my pants, and week 5 bloat, much more tolerable. 

OMG ... I'm Pregnant

Note: This and the following posts about my pregnancy are very personal. I am willing to share our wild ride throughout this journey, but I ask that you be kind. Be kind in relation to our story, the pictures I share, and the details I reveal. I will talk to you about anything in these posts if you want to know more. I want to share this information too, because I think most women don't share their story. But I have found a lot of comfort in speaking with others, and want to pass it on. If more women shared their story, there would be less women always wondering, feeling alone, and afraid to share theirs. 


It was September 10th, 2013 when I told my husband that I hadn't had any pre-menstrual symptoms like I normally do. He asked what that meant, so I tried to tell him ... as man-friendly as possible. He asked if I was pregnant; I smiled and said I didn't know. I took a pregnancy test that morning and it was negative. Bummer. But, I wasn't surprised; we have been trying to have a baby since February of 2012. It has been a long, stressful, not-so-fun journey.

Anyway, that Friday (September 13th), I took another pregnancy test. IT. WAS. POSITIVE. My hands shook, I thought my knees were going to buckle and I could barely talk with my watery eyes. I walked to my husband, who was in the closet picking out his clothes for the day. I stood behind him, and put the pregnancy test into his view. He just stared at it, grabbed my arms, squeezed and said, "Cool!" (Seriously, THAT'S what you say?!) We hugged, kissed, and then he reminded me that we were already running late to work. Work? WORK? Why would I want to go to work, I'm FINALLY PREGNANT! He didn't seem to care, as the only thing that is on his mind is money and finances. :)



I called my doctor later that day at school and she said that I was 3 weeks and 6 days pregnant. She seemed surprised that it showed up positive so early. Because I sensed her skepticism, I took another test the following Tuesday and it was still positive. Thank you, God!

Over the last ten days, hubby and I have had lots of fun conversations about our future. Like: which room will be the nursery, what colors we'd paint it, how and when to tell family and friends, concerns about baby's health and survival in utero. We haven't dwelled on possible negatives, rather focused on how our lives are changing every day!

Here is a little background on our little story. When I was 17, my first gynecologist diagnosed me with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I was told that I would probably never get to have children. Oh my gosh! I was seventeen! In her office, I bawled my eyes out, slumped into my chair, and thought, "Who in their right mind would ever marry me, knowing I could never have his child." It was awful. I knew I wasn't going to have a child in my teens, and not until I was married ... if I could help it. So, I went about my life as if I was "normal." I did tell a serious boyfriend that I may not get to have kids and his response was, "Whatever." (He wasn't angry, but just acknowledging it, like it didn't matter to him either way.) He and I didn't work out. Otherwise, I would have never met my wonderful husband!

When Tyler and I started seeing each other in 2007 (I was 19), I knew he was THE ONE. (Ladies, you know that feeling!) Once he decided that we should be in a relationship, I had to tell him. We talked and talked about all of the fertility options available and what adoption options were like. He didn't miss a beat. He said he wasn't worried about it, and we would have children one way or another. (Swoon! I. Was. In. Love.)

After we got married, we decided that we would no longer take precautions, to prevent pregnancy. When we decided that we would actually "try," it was February of 2012. For 19 months, we tried as often as we could. I was re-diagnosed with PCOS in May of 2012 and put on a higher dose of my thyroid medication, and added another called Metformin. I wasn't convinced this would help at all, but was willing to give it a shot. (Considering I've taken medications my entire life, I wasn't afraid of trying to remember to take more.)

Through our 19 months, I had various prescriptions change in order to "increase our chances." I even took a mediation called Prometrium, which forces your body to ... have a cycle. On top of that, I took an ovulation test EVERY DAY. So, my monthly routine looked like this:
- Take Prometrium until cycle begins
- Day 1-9 Take Clomid
- Day 10-(until I got period): Do Ovulation test
- If period came, deal with it and try again. If it didn't, wait, and take a pregnancy test. Oh, there it is ... try again. (Keep in mind, this was just for a month ... we tried for a year and a half! You get tired of peeing on sticks everyday and not ovulating, or not being pregnant.)

During all of this, multiple friends told me they were pregnant, or posted on Facebook. Each time, I got a little more angry. I was truly happy for them, don't get me wrong, but why did it only take them only 3 or 6 months, when I've been trying for 19?! Why were they able to get pregnant without so many ovulation kits, prescription medications, and scheduled baby-making. To say I cried myself to sleep some nights might be an understatement. It was rough. It tried our relationship. I felt unworthy to have such a dedicated husband. It was my fault after all; as far as we knew, he didn't have any issues with his parts. Between the stress, anxiety, and trial and error it was not fun anymore. 

It was exhausting. Near the end, I was ready to throw my hands in the air and demand IVF! The hubs said we couldn't afford it; thus, we trudged on (until September that is). :)

I hate breakfast ...

Generally speaking, I've never been a breakfast kind of girl. When I was younger I would satisfy my mother's desire for me to eat a morning meal by completely covering a toaster strudel with sugary frosting, or eating part of a Pop-Tart in the car. I only liked eggs on occasion and liked them best as a sandwich or burrito. We never had time to make those at home, and wouldn't spend the money to go out (I'm not complaining about that). 

Once I got into high school, I realised that I needed something to get me going in the morning - but I was definitely not a coffee person. Needless to say, I resorted to a 16.9 oz. bottle of water during first period (band), and then a 24 oz. bottle of Diet Mt. Dew during 2nd period (office help -yeah, my senior year was a beast. @_@). I also ate a snack-size bag of soda crackers. Why? The salty flavor went well with Diet Mt. Dew. :) 

I always had a decent lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner. But still HATE breakfast. Now that I'm married, my husband lovingly harrasses me to eat breakfast everyday. I still don't like it. BUT, with a little more income we are able to find things that taste good in the morning. One of those is the Slim Fast Rich Chocolate Royal Shake! I have one almost every morning. If I feel like I have more time, I might make an egg-white sandwich. 

The Slim Fast shake has allowed me to get a lot of nutrients that a well-rounded meal would provided ... but without a lot of work. We order our shakes by the cases through Amazon and have free shipping. Rich Chocolate Royal is my favorite, but the other flavors are good too - I'm just a chocolate kind of gal. 

Bottom line: I hate breakfast but love chocolate. Slim Fast lets me have my chocolate and still get the nutrition I need!

Influenster has allowed me a great opportunity to experiment with my Slim Fast. I was sent a sample of the Strawberries and Cream flavor - something I probably wouldn't buy by the case (c'mon people, it's not chocolate!), but it was delicious with the strawberries and pineapple I added to it! The recipe also suggested a shot of coconut rum - but I don't care for that. 

I'm happy to share some recipes for making your shakes more fun! They're a great way to stay healthy while still having great flavor! 

I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.

Beginning

I've attempted a few blogs in the past, but was unable to keep up with them. I'd love to keep up with this one now that I'm a little more settled in. :)

More to come later today! :)